Family Disagreements

As I was looking over my "events calendar" for August 2014, I noticed that the 25th was designated as "Kiss and Make Up Day" and that caused me to reflect on disagreements within the family.  Sometimes we have disagreements, whether big or small, that are like a nagging splinter in our relationships.  So, it made me think about what the best way of resolving arguments would be.  

I wholeheartedly agree that we all should just "kiss and make up."  I have become the type of person to be quick to forgive and move on.  Holding grudges can destroy relationships, especially those within a family.  We can even have these types of disagreements with our children.  I have a tendency of being the mediator in our family.  So, here's what I do to resolve conflict...  

The key in resolving disagreements is COMMUNICATION.  Without clear communication of feelings and desires, it is impossible to move on from a disagreement; it will continually arise; this may happen even with communication, but the key here is to be in constant communication.  Sometimes it takes persistence on a subject for all parties to understand what caused the disagreement and what the best way to resolve future outbreaks is.  For example, my son has a GREAT personality that is fun and witty; but unfortunately my daughter gets frustrated with being teased and joke making.  My son gets frustrated when my daughter has meltdowns due to her perfectionism and her happiness to just "chill" rather than have huge activities planned.  My goal in resolving these conflicts is to help them both to see that they have different personalities and that it is important to recognize other individual's breaking points.  My daughter is more of a laid back personality, except for when things go wrong (out of her comfort zone) and then it's all drama.  Put the two kids together and it's a recipe for disaster.  

But...these two kids have come a long way.  By sitting down when tempers flare and discussing personality differences, likes and dislikes, and personal space; we have been able to keep peace.  I always end our discussions with "Let's hug it out!"  Of course, kissing and making up (as the 25th recommends) may not work between siblings; I'm sure their response would be, "YUCK!" Next time you find your kids in a disagreement, bring them together, be the mediator, and help them learn to forgive and "hug it out." 

Let's not forget parent/child disagreements.  These agreements can be solved in the same way, but of course you as the adult must take the high road and be willing to consider both sides of the story.  Sometimes, we as parents even have to apologize (cringe); Yes, parents should apologize for actions that are inappropriate.  We must show our kids that everyone can make a mistake and even adults must make things right when that happens.  So, sit down with your kids, discuss the issue, and hug it out!  

Did You Know?

Did you know that we offer two great locations for participation in our free Family Nurturing Program?  What a terrific opportunity to learn to nurture your family and grow as a parent!  Parenting classes are now available in Lewisburg, PA at the Union County Day Reporting Center and in Selinsgrove at Union-Snyder Community Action Agency.  Classes in Lewisburg are held weekly on Wednesdays and Fridays from 9:00 a.m.-11:00a.m.  Nurturing parenting classes are available in Selinsgrove and are held Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday from 12:30p.m.-2:00 p.m.  Interested?  Call Sharon Leon at 570-374-0181 to register for this opportunity!

Summertime Blues

Do your kids have the summertime blues?  School is just around the corner, but it's still summer.  Have your kids been giving you the "I'm bored" comment?  I know I hear that several times over our summer break.  With all of our responsibilities as parents, it can become difficult keeping our kids occupied.  As parents we must provide a creative and learning environment for our kids.  Do you have a clean and safe place for the kids to play?  Do you have some toys that can be multi-functional.  An example of these toys would be blocks, art supplies, cards, dough.

  Children can manipulate these items to do several fun activities that may cure their boredom.    There are many different things you can do with all of these items.  If these toys become boring, maybe it's time to take the kids outside.  Allow them to discover new things.  Have a scavenger hunt or just start investigating your surroundings.  Maybe you could find some items to create a masterpiece, like a pine cone creature with acorn ears and feathers.  By being creative with what you have available, you will be training your children to find fun in their surroundings.

Family Fun Activity Plan

Finding fun activities for your family to do together can be difficult.  I found that sitting down with the family and discussing what we like to do helps us to make plans for our family fun activities.  Take notes on what suggestions are given and also note how many members of the family agree that the said activity would be something they might want to do together.  Throw in some crazy suggestions and then take a vote.  I keep a copy of our suggestions handy so we can continue to make plans that we can all agree on.  We also revisit the topic often to add new ideas and to take away some that have been overdone.

I did this with my family and it helped us eliminate some of the activities that brought about frustration.  It is important to take into consideration all likes and dislikes.  

I also spoke with my children about compromise.  Sometimes we have to compromise in those things we don't really want to do as a family activity so that everyone gets an opportunity to do an enjoyable event.  Kind of like when I cave in and say okay to bowling...something I really do not like. 

Being somewhat of a germaphobe, I have a difficult time wearing bowling shoes and touching the bowling balls that have been in the hands of so many people.  So, what do I do???  I suck it up and pack the hand sanitizer and go have fun with my family.

Independence

Children at some point are going to want to express independence.  It is up to us, as parents, to encourage healthy independence.  Keep in mind what are appropriate and inappropriate examples of independence.  Sometimes, our children will need assistance; for example, they may be able to prepare a snack, but should not be expected to cook an entire meal.  Independence is a natural desire.  Children like to feel like they are growing up.  It is healthy to allow children to slowly begin doing more on their own.  Maybe they want to wash their own hair at age three or four; supervise the activity, but allow them to learn and grow.  Don't expect more of your child than what is age-appropriate.  Allow your child to set the pace as they grow up and become more independent.

New nurturing parenting classes have begun in Lewisburg, PA!  Free classes will be held from 9:30am-11:30am on Wednesdays and Fridays beginning July 16th.  Call Sharon Leon at 570-374-0181 to register for this opportunity!

Nutrition: Teaching Healthy Habits

Have you ever struggled with getting our child to eat healthy food?  Well, then you're not alone!  Many parents struggle with snoopy eaters.  Thankfully, most children grow out of this.   Until that happens, it is up to the parents to assist their children in developing good eating habits.  

First, you must have a routine for meal and snack times.  If you allow your child to raid the refrigerator or snack cupboard all day, they are not going to eat at mealtimes and they are most likely going to make choices that are not nutritious.  Make sure you have set times for snacks and meals.  Try your best to keep these times consistent.  The occasional stray from the routine will not trash your success; it's okay if once in a while, things don't go as planned, but try to be consistent. 

Help children to see food as desirable and not something to avoid.  Kids are going to dislike Brussel sprouts and peas throughout time, but dealing with this in a cautious manner is important.  Don't find every opportunity to allow your child to reject food.  Try to offer fruits and veggies that they enjoy, rather than continually pushing that one food they hate.  Of course, you should occasionally offer them to "try" these foods, maybe cooked a different way or with some dressing.  They may come to like them...but I doubt anything will help the plight of Brussel sprouts and peas.  Allow your child to assist in choosing healthy options for mealtime.  Most times, they will eat the meals they help plan.  

Make sure that you have a good environment for eating.  It's probably not the best idea to set up in front of the television for meals.  Make sure you sit together as a family at a table, if possible.  Keep the area clean and present the food well.  Make sure your children have clean and appropriate utensils and napkins for any messes. 

Be creative with snack choices by using fruits and veggies with sweet breads, peanut butter, cheese, waffles, ice cream, pudding, dressings, etc.  Children will love all of the options of eating healthy snacks when you include some sweet treats mixed in with the healthy stuff.  Just do this in moderation; keep the healthy part of your snack ratio higher.