Personal Power

What is personal power and how can it affect my family?  

Personal power is what we use to influence our lives.  It can also positively or negatively affect our self-image.  Families should encourage one another to develop a positive self-image that will be a reflection of those choices we make using our personal power.  If we use our personal power in a negative way, it will affect our lives in a negative way.  So, it is clear that developing a habit of using our personal power in a good way, will bring about positive life results.

Allow your children to express themselves.  It is okay for them to say "no".  Give them the freedom to say that they do not like something or do not want to do something.  This may not necessarily mean that they get their way, but they should be permitted to express their personal power.  Hampering children's power, will cause anger and rebellion. Allowing self-expression will encourage children to make good choices using their personal power and develop a positive self-image.

Family Roles

As we look at the family, it is clear that there are certain roles for each  member.  Children do not have the same roles as parents, and parents do not have the same roles as children.  Keeping roles defined in the family is important, because it assists us in understanding one another and each individual's abilities and responsibilities.  If you are unsure of what your child's roles are, or even what your roles are, sit down and work through it.  Obviously, your child cannot do certain things within the home.  

Examples of your roles might be:

• Provide nurturing
• Provide shelter and nourishment
• Encourage
• Support emotionally, educationally, spiritually, etc.

Examples of your child's roles might be:

• Help with small chores (This will help them develop self-esteem and a feeling of belonging)
• Follow a routine (lovingly planned by mom and dad)
• Be a kid!
  

It is also important to allow each individual to gain acceptance of "self".  You can do this by first accepting one another.  Learn to allow your family members to express themselves and be themselves in and out of the home.  Explore areas in your life or in your child's life that may affect behavior patterns and feelings.  Talk about these feelings and allow each member to heal from any past hurts.

Developing an understanding of roles and a positive appreciation of self is a healthy part of the nurturing family.  Children will grow into confident and nurtured adults, and parents will also grow more confident in the roles of parenthood and become more nurturing mothers and fathers.

Encouragement to Good Behavior

As parents, we expect our children to have good behavior.  At times, our expectations are not met, sometimes more frequently than we would like.  It would be nice if it were as easy as using a miracle room or magic wand to solve this issue, but there is not.  So, how do you deal with misbehavior?  Well, you can choose to use different methods.  You can be a manager, a modifier, or an encourager.  One thing we do NOT want to become is a dictator.  Becoming a manager or modifier, puts you in charge of a child’s actions.  He or she is not given control of their behavior, but instead are ordered or forced into a behavior pattern.  Of the three options, the best choice is to become an encourager. 

Being an encourager is the nurturing way of parenting and dealing with behavior and is the most successful way.  Of course, sometimes it is necessary for us to step in and become the manager or modifier.  We can do this with rule setting, and making consequences for choices clear.  We can also use time-outs or loss of privileges as a physical type of punishment.  These should be the last option.  If we can encourage our children to behave without becoming a dictating parent, our children can become more active in the decision to be of good behavior.

Reward your child for good behavior by offering praise, hugs and high-fives, special privileges, physical rewards like stickers or toys, or allowances.  I try as a teacher to encourage good behavior and keep the classroom positive; this is also important in the home and with my children.  I’d much rather encourage good behaviors, than have to discourage bad behaviors. 

There are times that we have to use our modifying and managing techniques of discipline, but when we keep our children encouraged of their good behaviors, we can eliminate a lot of the negative ways of dealing with behavioral issues, and create a much more nurturing environment.