Building Empathy

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability for one person to understand the emotions, needs, and desires of another (i.e. walk in their shoes).

There are three important parts of empathy:

1. Discipline-Avoid physical punishments; instead use nurturing techniques in discipline by using reinforcement and rewarding of positive behaviors.

2. Parental responses to children-Allow children to express their feelings.  Help them identify and deal with those feelings.

3. Awareness of needs of children-Know your child and what emotional, as well as other needs that they have.

Example:
Understanding a child's fear is one example of showing empathy.  Rather than telling the child that they are "stupid" for being afraid of the dark, show concern, allowing them to discuss the fear, and then discuss with them how you can help them deal with it.

Call for more information or to sign up!  

This is a great opportunity to learn about nurturing ways of parenting!

Routines

Do routines really matter?  Absolutely!!!  Many of the typical parenting hassles can be avoided with routines for getting ready for the day, mealtimes, and bedtime.  So, how do you get started?  Just do it!  Plan what behavior you want to see and model it.  Guide your children through the model daily and eventually, it will be "old hat".  Your children will know and remember what is expected for these times, and it will become easier for them to follow those guidelines.  Having routines can greatly reduce the stress of everyday activities. 

Self Worth

Positive self worth is an important attribute to develop in all members of the family.  When one feels positive about one's self, he or she can treat themselves and others in a positive way, will be likable, and will simply be a better member of society.  How can you develop a positive self worth in your family?

• Allow for success at tasks
• Set realistic goals
• Praise good behavior and results
• Brag your child up to others
• Model positive self worth
• Respect other's thoughts and feelings
• Comment on strengths more than weaknesses
• Patience

Communicating Feelings

Do your children understand their feelings?  Do you take into consideration your children's feelings?

An important part of parenting is the communication of feelings within a family. Children should be encouraged to express emotions and they should be taught proper ways of expressing them.  Should a child throw him or herself around on the floor?...probably not.  Any expression of emotion that could harm us, others, or the environment is not a proper expression.  Is it okay to cry?...absolutely!  How about anger?  Can we allow our kids to show anger, or will we make them suppress it?  Allowing our children to express themselves is an important part of their development and an important part of how we build nurturing relationships.  Take these steps to make sure you are building healthy emotional foundations:

1.  Make sure your kids know that it is okay to express their feelings.
2.  Give feelings names.  EXAMPLE:  "You seem sad."
3.  Allow children to be a part of the conversation.
4.  Help them to understand feelings, what they are and why we have them.
5.  Use brainstorming to meet the needs behind the feelings.
6.  Allow children to burn off energy.
7.  Always praise your child.   (Bavolek, 2007)

Following these suggestions will assist you and your children in understanding and communication feelings and build that healthy bond needed for a nurturing family.

Reference:

Bavolek, S. J. (2007).  Nurturing Skills For Families.   Asheville, NC:  Family Development         Resources, Inc.

Parents Learning Together

Beginning April 27th, Family Nurturing Program is offering a new parenting group called Parents Learning Together.  The group will be held from 6pm to 8 pm one Monday out of each month.  The group will discuss issues regarding parenting, questions within the group, and trending topics on parenting.  The public is invited and there is no fee.  Light refreshments will be provided.  There will also be child care available.  Come and connect with other parents!

Making Good Choices

What choices we make about ourselves most certainly affect those around us, in particularly our families.  In our parenting class this week we are talking about how our choice to use tobacco, alcohol, or drugs will affect our children and even our unborn children.

Here are some statistics obtained from the Nurturing Parenting Program (Bavolek, 2007) for you to consider:

• Health risks of smoking include:  increased risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, emphysema, and worsened lung function.
• Pregnant women who smoke run an increased risk of having stillborn or premature infants or infants with low birth weight.  (p. 11)

Second hand smoke can affect the unborn child in the following ways:

• Miscarriage
• Stillbirth
• Reduced lung function
• Complications during pregnancy
• Premature birth
• Intellectual and behavioral defects
• Low birth weight  (Bavolek, 2007, p. 11)

Second hand smoke can affect babies and children in the following ways:

• Increased illnesses
• Subjecting child to 40 toxic, cancer causing substances
• Lower respiratory tract infections
• Ear infections
• Reduced lung function
• Asthma
• Cancer/Leukemia in childhood  (2007, p. 12)

So what about alcohol?  What about drugs?  How can these harm your child?  Well, as it has been said in the past, we are role models for our children.  Children mimic what they see.  If we abuse alcohol, or drugs, our children have an increased chance of doing the same.  Many factors cause people to turn to drugs or alcohol, most of them being depression or psychological issues, stress, genetics, parental history, peer pressure, and enabling from others (2007).  Did you know that drugs and alcohol can increase your risk of abusing your child?  It can and does!  It is important that we be responsible when consuming alcohol and that we avoid drugs.  Our children's future is at stake.  Make a point to talk about these things to your children.  Keep an open dialogue about tobacco, drugs, and alcohol.  If you don't have the talk with them, someone else will; that person might be a drug pusher or peer that wants to lure your child into using these substances.  The most important step to take with your children regarding these substances is COMMUNICATION.  Also, take time for your kids.  Spending time together and having a good relationship will help your child/children feel secure and will deter them from turning to substances for support.

Reference:

Bavolek, S. J. (2007).  Nurturing Skills For Families.   Asheville, NC:  Family Development            Resources, Inc.

Read Across America

Monday was Read Across America Day.  We celebrate this day, Dr. Seuss' birthday, every year to recognize the importance of early literacy.  As a parent, it is important to read to, and with, our children on a regular basis.  What do you think makes reading fun for kids?

When we read to our kids we must:

• Read with excitement
• Use inflection
• Use motions
• Point out words and pictures
• Ask questions
• Allow children to reflect
• Relate parts of the story to child's experiences
• Simply said, "Make it FUN"!

One way to make reading a little more fun, for the child who gets easily distracted, is to use props.  I have kits made up with books and toys, or objects, that relate to the book.  While reading the book, the child can use the toy, or object, to relate to the story.  Children love this activity.  Another way to build interest in completing a story, if you have a child that cannot seem to get through an entire book, is to give them a treasure box that they hold throughout the story and that they can only open at the end of the tale.  Doing this with "Green Eggs and Ham" is fun.  Use a green Easter egg and fill it with a sticker, small toy, or treat.  The kids will want to finish the story and will be encouraged by the reward.

Groundhog Day!!!

Next week we celebrate Groundhog Day; so why not plan a fun activity with the family?  This will be an excellent time to teach your children as well as build a bond.  

First, you will need to gather some flashlights, a book, some stuffed animals, blankets, and chairs.  Make sure that one blanket is white or a light color.  Next, you will gather your children around and build an inside fort out of chairs and blankets.  Make sure there is enough space for all of you, and place the stuffed animals inside.  Third, turn off the house lights and turn on the flashlights.  Talk about shadows and how light creates them.  Once the children settle down into the fort, begin to talk about groundhog day and what it is about.  Tell them that you are going to make your own animal shadows.  Using the stuffed animals and your hands, cast shadows onto the white blanket and talk about the animals and shapes.  Attempt putting your hands into your child's hand to make shapes of animals, or other common shapes like a heart or circle.  Allow the kids to make the animal sounds and talk about their favorite ones.  This will be such a fun activity that will encourage growth as a family and will also allow for a teachable moment for your kids to learn about the holiday and about animals.  You can end the fun with reading a book by flashlight.  This would be a great pre-bedtime activity.

Self Care

Sometimes as parents we put so much time and effort into our children that we forget to attend to our own needs.  It is very important to remember to take time for yourself.  Take a few moments each day to focus on your needs.  Of course, that doesn't mean we neglect our children during that time.  Take time during your child's nap time to do something that nourishes YOU.  You can also plan a weekly babysitter to allow time to go to the gym, go

for a walk, sit down with a book, or have some time out with friends.  We cannot neglect ourselves when caring for our children.  In doing so, we can unwillingly cause ourselves to blame our children for our loss of self.  Always remember to make that extra time, even if it is just a few minutes a day, to nurture yourself.  You will find that you are more patient and much happier throughout the day, if you take care of YOUR needs as well as your family's needs.