Holiday Family Fun Night

We all enjoyed a terrific holiday-themed Family Fun Night last week.  Families enjoyed free pizza, a movie, a craft, and time with each other.  We even had a visit from Santa Claus himself! What an awesome time of nurturing our families!  Enjoy these photos of the event.

Family Fun Night

We just held another one of our Family Fun Nights on Tuesday, November 26th.  It was a great success!  Our families enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal, along with crafts, and family photos.  This was a great time for them to connect with their children and to bring extended family members and friends along.  Enjoy these photos from our exciting evening of nurturing...

Please and Thank You

Teaching our children to say “please” and “thank you” is a fairly simple task.  But, why do we teach this to them?  Do they know why being polite is something they should do? 

Manners are an important part of social development.  In order for our children to grow into respected and respectful adults, it is important for them to develop good manners.  As you teach your child to say “please” and “thank you” make sure you explain the purpose.  Ask them how they feel when they are not asked to do something in a nice way or when they are not told “thank you” after helping someone or after doing a chore.  Their response should be that they feel unappreciated or bad.  Discuss with them the importance of respecting others by using good manners and how it helps us develop good relationships and respect among those we work and play with daily.  Be an example by modeling it every day with your kids.  When asking them to help out with a chore, say “please,” and when they complete a task thank them for doing a good job.

Only teaching children the habit of using “please” and “thank you” without explaining the purpose will  not develop purposeful manners in our children.  It should not only be a habit, but a reasoned decision to be polite.

 

With Thanksgiving this month, here's a fun book to read with your kids about saying "thanks"...

Bear Says Thanks by Karma Wilson

 

Strangers

Teaching your child about strangers can seem a difficult task.  You don’t want to create anxiety in them, but you want them to be aware of strangers and to be cautious.  Here’s a way you can teach this lesson, according to Stephen Bavolek, author of the Nurturing Parenting Program:

·       Take time to discuss what a stranger is.   Is it someone you know or someone you don’t know?

·       Discuss why we should be concerned about strangers.

·       Discuss what could happen if you talk to a stranger.

·       Ask questions and allow children to answer.  Also allow them to ask questions.

Examples might be:

Ø Have you ever been afraid of a stranger?

Ø Has a stranger ever helped you in some way?

Ø Is it okay to ask a stranger for help?  (Explain that only police, teachers, doctors, etc. may be asked.)

Ø Are there good or bad strangers?  What makes them different?

·       Give scenarios of what they should do in certain circumstances.

Reference:

Bavolek, Stephen.  (2007).  Nurturing Skills For Families.  Ashville, NC:  Family Development Resources, Inc.

Bedtime

Children need sleep to grow and for brain development.  Sleep deprivation can lead to days of tantrums and grumpy kids.  When kids get the rest they need, they will perform better in school and at home.  But, how can we assure that our children are getting the amount of sleep they need when we struggle getting them to bed?

 Bedtime can become a frightful time of day for families with little ones who want to burn the midnight oil.  It seems that children have a great talent of prolonging the inevitable, but there is a way to combat that skill.  Parents who establish nighttime routines have better success at getting their children to bed at an acceptable time. 

Setting up a nighttime routine is simple.  A good nighttime routine will be established with the child’s involvement.  Allow your child to assist you in planning the routine.  They will be excited to follow “their” plan when it is complete.  Of course, as a parent, you must guide the process or it may end up with steps like:  eat ice cream, watch one more television episode, or skip the bath.  Help your child make wise decisions about his/her health by choosing appropriate steps for a nighttime routine. 

A good routine might be as follows:

1-            10 minute warning

2-           Clean up toys and turn off television

3-           Bath time

4-           Pajama time

5-           Brush teeth

6-           Get a drink of water

7-           Potty

8-          Story time

9-           Hugs and kisses

10-   Lights out

11-      Catch some “ZZZZs”

It is okay to offer a healthy snack before bed as well, but preferably early in the evening.  You can choose to add this to your nighttime routine as well.

By establishing a routine, you will notice that your children are having fewer incidents of staying up too late and, in return, your children and you will get much more rest.

Be sure to encourage your child to fall asleep on his/her own.  Give them a stuffed animal or doll to hug and assure them that you will check in on them.  It can be difficult for some children to make a transition from having parent presence for bedtime to sleeping on their own, but with your encouragement and assurance they will eventually feel secure enough to fall asleep on their own.

With a routine in place and with the child feeling safe and loved, bedtime will become a much smoother event.

Consequences for Choices

     When we make choices as adults, we know that there are consequences for those choices.  This concept should be taught to our children as well.  As they grow up, they must be aware that there are consequences for the choices they make. 

     Take examples such as, stealing, anger management, disobedience, safety, and health.  These topics can be discussed with your children and questions can be asked about what might happen if a good or bad choice is made.  Explain to your children that every choice has a consequence whether good or bad.  It is important for children to realize that they have power over their circumstances by making good choices. 

     I remember my son had a teacher in elementary school who had as her main rule for her class to "make good choices."  I love the idea of teaching our kids about good choices at an early age!  This rule has stuck with me, and I keep it as a rule in my home and classroom.

     

     Try helping your child to understand this concept now and they will learn to reflect on their decisions to bring about success in school, in relationships, and as they grow into young men and women.

Sibling Rivalry

In searching for a topic for a new blog post, I came across a question regarding sibling rivalry; and this made me start to reflect on my practices as a parent with my two children.  It seems that anytime there is more than one child, there will be some amount of fighting and disagreement.  How do we curb that? 

Well, I find that helping them to work through their problems during these disagreements is helpful.  I never take sides, but instead ask them to reflect on what the other is feeling.  This usually will bring the disagreement into discussion and eventually to a peaceful end.  Of course, my children are older, but this can work on most children if it is presented at their level. 

Make sure that your children understand that violence is NEVER okay and to NEVER allow anger to drive their judgments.  We can also model this in our own behavior. 

Another important part of reducing sibling rivalry is to try to stay neutral.  Taking sides can become a painful experience for a child.  Support both children and allow them to understand that you love them both and that they each have valid opinions. 

Take time to spend with each child.  Doing this can give your child a sense of love and relationship and will curb the desire to rival their sibling.

Sibling rivalry will always be an issue in parenting.  Although in following these steps and keeping positive and supportive, it can be controlled.

SUMMER SAFETY

     The hot summer days are upon us and it is so exciting to take the kids out into the warm sunshine to play and interact.  But it is important to remember that there are safety issues we have to follow.  Don't forget the sunscreen, keep a close eye on children when water is present, and protect your family from food poisoning at the family picnic.

     It is easy to forget the sunscreen at home, but within a few minutes a happy baby can become a very upset and badly burned child.  Make sure to carry a small container of sunscreen with you in the diaper bag or a purse, just in case you find yourself and your family outside with the sun burning down on you.  Carrying an extra container can assist you in avoiding a trip to the doctor or to the E.R. due to severe sunburn.

     Water, although a refreshing and fun activity, can turn ugly if children are not properly monitored.  Do not allow children to be unsupervised when around water.  A infant or toddler can drown in a mere foot of water.  Even a bucket filled with water can be a hazard to a mobile infant.  Keep a close eye on your children!  Sometimes when exploring a creek, you may become distracted.  Avoid distractions and instead involve your little ones in the activity you are doing by the water.  This way you can avoid accidents and allow an opportunity to bond.

     Food poisoning occurs quite frequently over the summer months.  Food is left out at parties and picnics when the temperature is perfect for food to spoil quickly.  What was good an hour ago, could cause days of stomach pain and even a trip to the doctor.  Be sure to put all food away as soon as possible after the family has eaten.  This will help keep your whole family healthy and protect the food you worked so hard to prepare from spoiling.

     Keeping these things in mind will help make your summer accident free and fun!  Now, go out and enjoy the summertime activities, before the snow starts falling!

Anger

Anger can sometimes become the cause of some distorted and disturbing family experiences.  It is important to talk about anger and how to express anger with your children.  Some children, and adults, find themselves resorting to physical harm to others, self, or to items around them. 

The Nurturing Parenting Program suggests that children be taught how to express anger in appropriate ways.  This can be done by starting with a simple discussion about anger.  Ask questions about what "anger" means, about a time when your child got angry, and about how they express anger.  Talk about scenarios in which a child might get angry.  Ask them what they would do in each of those situations.  Try to guide them into making good decisions on how to express their anger.  It's okay to get angry, but we all need to know how to express anger in a positive way.  Teach your children to use their "personal power" in a positive way (Bavolek, 2007).  There are three rules in expressing anger that the Nurturing Parenting Program suggests, and they are:

1.  No hurting touch or criticism to others.

2.  No hurting touch or criticism to yourself.

3.  No hurting touch to the environment.  (Bavolek, 2007)

After discussing these rules with your children, teach them how to be angry without causing harm to others, self, or the environment.  They can show anger in facial expressions and in an "angry dance" but not by breaking the three rules of anger expression (Bavolek, 2007).

Reference:

Bavolek, S.   (2007).  Nurturing Skills For Families.  Family Development Resources, Inc., p10.

Tooth Brushing

Have any of you questioned how to brush your young child's teeth?  Well, I remember questioning my doctors when my children were small on this subject.  No matter what age your child is, it is important to keep his or her mouth clean and healthy.  Use a damp cloth to clean your infants gums until they are old enough to use children's toothpaste (approximately 3-4).  Here is a great resource from Parenting on how to keep your child's teeth clean and promote good dental hygiene.

http://www.parenting.com/article/an-age-by-age-guide-to-toothbrushing

Family Time

One of the most important things you can do for your kids is plan time together.  It does not have to be activities that are expensive and break the bank.  There are lots of things you can do with the family that are inexpensive.  Family game night is a popular activity that does not cost a thing.  You can also plan a meal together and let the kids help.  And, craft activities from household items are always a hit.

With summer just around the corner, my mind keeps drifting to dreams of a beach vacation with the family.  For many of us that might not be possible; so why not have a beach-fun day at home. 

Break out the baby pool, buy a small bag of sand, gather some scoops from the kitchen for sand play, put on the swimming suits, and don't forget the sunscreen and towels.  You can even hide a few seashells in the sand if you have any lying around the house and let the kids look for shells.  If you don't have shells, try hiding pebbles.  Don't forget a little lemonade, and you will be all set for a cheap day of beach fun with the kids. 

I did this activity with my family frequently when the kids were smaller and they loved it just as much as going to the beach.  As long as they can play in the sand and interact with mom and dad, kids are happy and satisfied.

Discipline

Discipline is always a difficult subject for parents.  There are diverse views on discipline that range from corporal punishment (hitting) to never saying "no" to your child.  But, what is the best way to discipline? 

To start off, we must address the idea of corporal punishment.  It is never "o.k." to hit your child.  I realize that most of us have grown up in homes where, if we misbehaved, we were forced to choose our switch or maybe there was a paddle with our name on it; but that does not justify hitting our children.  What most corporal punishment promoters do not realize is that every time a child is hit the child loses
self-esteem and it even affects their brain development.

The other extreme is not allowing your child to realize that "no" is an active word in society.  Children who are never told "no" will be in for a big shock when they enter school and work.  A good alternative to presenting this type of discipline is to not use  negative words; present the correct behaviors to a child rather than telling them they are "bad."

So what should I do to punish my child? 

One suggestion would be the use of "time-outs."  This form of punishment has been popularized by a television show and has become a well-used form of punishment.  Giving the child time to reflect on his or her behavior will help instill self-discipline within your child.  This form of punishment will not harm your child's development. 

Another type of discipline that can be use is taking away privileges.  My kids will attest to the fact that this is a great encourager of good behavior.  If they are not permitted to watch their favorite television show or play that special video game for a set amount of time, they will remember the experience the next time they think about acting out.

These are much better alternatives to corporal punishment and can be effective in assisting with discipline in any family.

Developing Self-worth

     Children develop much of their self-worth from their family experiences.  It is important to keep this in mind at all times.  Praised children will develop a more positive outlook on themselves than children who are continually being disciplined.  Praise for accomplishments can lead to better behavior at home,  and at school.  Childhood is a critical time for the development of self-worth. 

    

It is easy to let negative thoughts slip out during a situation in which a child may have been disobedient or unruly, but we must learn to turn those situations into opportunities to help our children grow into confident children who can make good choices that are based on their experiences.  Make those situations become “teachable moments” which are opportunities that educators use frequently.  Take those opportunities to encourage your child to make good choices.  In most behavioral situations the child already recognizes that the behavior was wrong; by using positive reinforcements for behavior instead of negative words or actions, children will learn right from wrong and will also develop their self-worth.  A child who is continually given negative reinforcement will have very little self-worth.

     Some examples of positive reinforcement are:

1.       Point out what the good choice is or would be.  Don’t focus on the wrong.  For example, don’t say “Shame on you!  You did a really bad thing!” Instead say, “What would have been a better choice?” and “How can we make this right?”

2.       Use a reward system (stickers, a chart, tickets, or  special activities).

3.       Praise for good behavior -“Wow, look at what you did!  That’s great!” or “You made a great choice!”

4.       Hugs, hugs, and more hugs! (This is rewarding for everyone!)

 

Bonding at Mealtime

 

   What better way is there to nurture your family than to spend dinner together, around the table, sharing the events of your day?  This activity will encourage the development of close relationships between family members.  Taking the time to spend dinner together has proven to be a successful tool in helping families stay closely knitted together from infant to adulthood.  Children feel excited to share about what happened to them at school, what they did with their friends, and what they plan to do the next day.  Parents learn more about what their children enjoy, what makes them happy or upset, and how they are adjusting to school.  It is a wonderful opportunity to learn more about one another. 

     A terrific idea shared by the author of the Nurturing Parenting Program is to have a special plate that is given to one member of the family at each dinner.  This plate is given to the family member who is being recognized for an accomplishment or just because it is determined that they need it the most.  The family decides together who should get the plate before dinner and it is set in that individual's place at the table.  This is a special honor and eventually will become a habit and an exciting event for the whole family to see who gets the plate.

Here is a great recipe to start you on your way to a family dinner that is sure to please:

Sausage & Peppers with Rotini Pasta recipe

Infant Bonding

     Can my baby's early experiences affect him or her for a lifetime?  According to Dr. Stephen Bavolek (2012), the answer is "Yes!"  Early childhood experiences are the building blocks for your child's life.  That is why it is important to begin a healthy bond with them as early as possible. 

     From the time a baby is born, that child is drawn to the mother and father.  Newborns are born with bonding abilities, as they make eye contact, prefer mom's voice, and distinguish dad's voice (Bavolek, 2012).  They are also able to find mother's breast just moments after birth.

     Continuing this bond is a big responsibility for parents.  Parents should continually engage their children with conversation, family activities, touch, and love.  Speaking, even to newborns, will also cause attachment and a strong relationship between mom and dad.  Playing with children, on the floor, and in direct contact, will enable them to develop a bond that will prepare them for a healthy life.  Infant massage and gentle touch is another way to connect with your child.  Rubbing their back, tummy, or legs is a soothing and relationship building activity.  Showing compassion and love towards our children will give them a sense of security, strengthening the union of mother, father, and child. 

     The experiences that infants have early-on will not only bond them to their parents, but prepare them for life and future relationships.

Reference

Bavolek, S.   (2012).  Nurturing Parenting Programs.  Family Development Resources, Inc.